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Funny Stories About Confession | Catholic Life

Funny Stories About Confession

I can’t be the only one with stories about confession that I find amusing, can I?

For instance, I once went for something like 4 confessions in a row with different priests with each one laughing at me at some point during my confession! And I thought that I was confessing different, not-especially-amusing sins. But for some reason each of them found something funny.

But my most amusing confession moment was one time when I was in a long line before Mass. I had waited almost an hour and as the time for Mass approached two silver-haired people behind me started complaining about how long the line was taking. They worried that it wouldn’t go fast enough because young people have so many sins that they take a long time. I was the only young person in front of them and found this amusing because I often feel the same dread of older women in front of me because of the stereotype that older women talk for hours in confession about who-knows-what that they have already confessed every week for the last 50 years. I was going to confession fairly regularly at that point, had my conscience examined with my sins concisely formatted, and knew the priest hearing confessions. Since he was a rather perfect confessor who was not about to prolong things right before mass, I was in and out in much less time than any of the older people who had been in line before me.

I still don’t get the older people’s concern. Even if we young people do sin more, how long does it take to say “I killed three firemen, had sex with 18 married men, and lied more times than I can count… maybe twice an hour while awake. For these and all my sins I am very sorry?” Amount of sin has nothing to do with how long it takes to confess it.

One other amusing story from waiting in long lines was the time I heard an older man talking to another person about how he hadn’t been to confession in decades. He did not understand the concept of older people confessing recently because he thought that only younger people got out and about to have the opportunity to sin. Considering the fact that none of my sins to be confessed that time involved getting out of the house, I found this a rather funny idea.

Please share your amusing confession stories!

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8 Responses to “Funny Stories About Confession”

  1. catholicmutt 30. Mar, 2011 at 7:22 pm #

    My favorite confession was just recently, when I went in and briefly told my sins. The priest said something to the effect of, “You should do better” and gave me an penance. Uhh, thanks for the tip? Shortest confession ever!

  2. Michelle Francl-Donnay 30. Mar, 2011 at 8:44 pm #

    My confessor grinned and gave me Psalm 127 – having confessed being short-tempered with my sons. I got to the chapel to read “truly sons are a gift from the Lord” – I laughed, I did.

  3. Kathleen 31. Mar, 2011 at 4:04 am #

    I love Michelle’s. :) But I’m sorry to say I have not one even slightly chortle-worthy Confession story. LOL

  4. Sarah @BeatenCopperLamp 31. Mar, 2011 at 8:46 am #

    Oh confession lines….those are where God tries to teach me about patience the most. One of my parish priests seemed to struggle with it too. One Holy Week the line was 25 people deep 10 minutes before Confession even started. Poor Fr. H walked in the door, say the line, a decided to lay down the law. “Ok, serious sins only, be direct, don’t tell me other people’s sins!!”
    Then while my Dad was in the box Fr. H answered his cell phone. “Ok, you are in the hospital. Do you want me to come give you anointing? … You don’t know what that means? Wait are you even Catholic?”
    Let’s all pray for overworked priests :-)

    The priests I’ve met here in Delaware are too nice for my taste though. A few months ago one just chuckled and told me “Thanks for making me feel young again!”

  5. Katie 31. Mar, 2011 at 11:38 am #

    When I was 17, there was a nearly deaf priest at our parish. I always say my sins quietly, and when I confessed to him? He’d respond, “I can’t hear you,” so I’d say them a bit louder, and still, “I can’t hear you!” And, one more time, speaking up, and still, “I don’t know what you’re saying!” Exasperated, he questioned, “Are you truly sorry?” “Yes, Father.”

  6. The Ironic Catholic 06. Apr, 2011 at 7:41 pm #

    Here’s one from my priest:

    another priest in the diocese was assigned to a parish with a large German-speaking population (typical in MN about 50 years ago). The previous priests apparently did not know German, but this new priest had taken it in high school and college and understood it pretty well. The first time he got in the confessional there, a woman came in, sat behind the screen, and began reciting her sins in German. He responded in German. There was a L O N G silence. After they finished the confession, she popped around the screen. “You know German!” “Ja wohl.” “You understood every word I said!” “Yes, I did.” She left quickly and the priest heard her up and down the line warning them: he knows German! Really! He’s going to understand all of it!

  7. Mary 06. Apr, 2011 at 9:23 pm #

    my dad and I usually go to confession at the same time. And he always comments afterwards about the amount of laughter that happens while i’m in there. My dad is convinced that I have hilarious sins.
    I always dread being stuck behind old people in the line to confession. I always try to get in early to avoid that, which is very impatient of me. But last time I was at confession, one old guy got in front of me, and traditionally, he takes a really long time, and I was a bit cranky with myself for not getting there earlier, but this time, he was done really quickly, and then my confession took twice as long, because the priest felt the need to break open alot of stuff with me. So i’ll trying not to be so impatient about people who take so long to confess, now that i’m in that category myself.
    i never really thought about what the old people thought about being stuck behind a young person.

  8. Julie 04. Jul, 2014 at 1:00 am #

    Joining the Church as an adult, I was so excited to go to confession the week after I was fully initiated into the Church. The week after I was baptized, I was pretty much on a spiritual high and didn’t commit any sins that were horribly exciting at all, and I really had to wrack my brain of what I could even confess. Even so, I was bound and determined to make the most of my first time going to confession.

    So, I’m sitting there, trying to sound all solemn and serious, stating that I hadn’t always followed the speed limit, and all of a sudden, the priest starts laughing. I look at him confusingly, and he waves his hands saying, “No, no! Me too! I speed all the time too!” . . . I figured I’d always remember my first confession, but wow! In hindsight, I should have said, “Now, make sure you confess that to YOUR confessor.” However, at the time, all that came to mind was my shock at hearing the priest laughing at one of my sins for which I truly felt sorry for.

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